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Choosing Your Bridesmaids
A Brief History
The history of the bridesmaid varies across cultures, religions and time
periods. In early Roman times, bridesmaids formed a kind of bridal infantry as
they accompanied the bride to the groom's village. This "protective shield" of
similarly outfitted bridesmaids was supposed to intervene if any wayward thugs
or vengeful suitors tried to hurt the bride or steal her dowry.
However, the Western bridesmaid tradition seems to have originated from later
Roman law, which required ten witnesses at a wedding in order to outsmart evil
spirits believed to attend marriage ceremonies. The bridesmaids and ushers
dressed in identical clothing to the bride and groom, so that the evil spirits
wouldn't know who was getting married. Even as late as 19th century England, the
belief that ill-wishers could administer curses and taint the wedding still
existed. In Victorian wedding photographs, for example, it can take quite a bit
of inspection to pick out the bride and groom from among the other members of
the bridal party!
The Modern Day Bridesmaid
These early customs continue to have an influence today. The expression "thrice
a bridesmaid, never a bride" arose from the bridesmaid's interception of, and
gradual infection by (over the course of three weddings), the evil spirits
trying to disrupt the ceremony! And, although the bridal party no longer
functions as a troop of foot soldiers, bridesmaid dresses are still commonly
chosen in harmony with the look and feel of the wedding. The bridal party
continues to serve a vital role in the wedding process, not by fending off hexes
and robbers, but by providing key support staff and an advisory board. Besides
being an honored member of the wedding party and special guest at the reception,
today's bridesmaid is also designated as the bride's special assistant. From
shopping for dresses to scouting hotels for out-of-town guests to writing place
cards to hosting a bridal shower, her first duty is to be helpful. The payoff is
that walk down the aisle, looking absolutely beautiful in a gown that is
stylish, sophisticated, colorful and absolutely wearable. In 21st century
America, bridesmaids are chosen to be caring helpers, thoughtful organizers and
skillful liaisons.
How Many Is Too Many?
There is one obvious answer. If the altar only fits a handful of people, you'll
have to limit your number of bridesmaids! But, seriously, the first rule in
determining how many bridesmaids is right for you is to coordinate the size of
your wedding party with the size of the venue where your wedding is to take
place. Although it may be difficult to choose five bridesmaids from among fifty
of your best friends, you must if you're having an intimate wedding. And there
are plenty of other great honors that you can hand out to close friends who want
to participate in the wedding (e.g., they can help coordinate any other
wedding-related activities, or they could write a special song or toast for the
reception, etc.).
A good second rule is to consider the formality of the wedding. In general,
formal weddings have half dozen or more bridesmaids in addition to the maid of
honor (it could be as many as a dozen, but that is very rare). Semiformal and
casual weddings can have just one bridesmaid - the maid of honor - but typically
have about three to five. And don't worry if the groom has more ushers than you
have bridesmaids: Ushers can always double up in the recessional. Of course, the
final decision rests with you, the bride, but remember that the larger the
number, the more difficult it may be for you to manage. And remember that the
bridesmaids will all have to work together on many aspects of planning, so
addressing any conflicts up front will avoid problems down the line. So the more
the merrier? Or too many cooks spoil the broth? You’ll have to decide!
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